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i love me, sometimes

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looking back at what i have written, thinking on all i have been through in my short little existence... i see that i have really wasted my time not having as much fun as i could, dwelling on my so-called imperfections, beating myself up and holding myself to impossible standards that only make me hate myself and feel sad and depressed and shitty in general. i am trying to just feel better and be happier with myself and where i am. i am ok. i truly am, things could be so much worse and i am extremely lucky. i need to be gentler with myself, nicer to myself, and patient. i am beautiful, smart, funny, sexy, a good friend and girlfriend, i deserve happiness and good things. i have a choice in my happiness and i'm choosing to be as happy as possible, to stop apologizing and making excuses for myself, i am wonderful just as i am. and as for my eating issues, i deserve to be skinny, i am a pretty girl and carrying this extra weight is holding me back from living the life I want and fulfilling my potential. i wish i could capture just how i feel physically right now, right after a binge on non-vegan foods. i feel bloated and horrible and sick and heavy. i dont want to do this anymore, i want to not obsess about food and be active to make myself happier and more fit and not because i'm trying to purge calories or make myself look a certain way for other people.
it's going to be alright. i'm going to be alright. i am hopeful
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