I gotta sa thanks to all the people who commented. Just being able to share what I'm going through has been helpful. I know you all understand, I just wish someone lived close enough that I could confide in and spend time with to help eachother out. There should be some kind of service that hooks people up like that. I'm going to have to investigate now.
Anyhow, I am feeling much better and less frantic.
Yesterday I ate vegetarian fajitas from Qdoba, with the beans, lettuce, and rice. Plus, a small peanut butter with cookie dough milkshake from cold stone (I'm vegan for the vast majority of the time but when I crave something I let myself have it from time to time to prevent binges.)
Ok, then today I had 1/2 cup oatmeal with blueberries, a half cup cake batter, a can of coke, 1.5 cups lentil soup, a Boca vegan patty, and a handful of veggie chips.
I like the feeling of being hungry, I have been missing it for a while. It's really nice to feel this way again. I'm so scared I'm going to binge and mess it all up, but I only have 2 more days until my trip, on which I will be very active and not able to eat whenever I want to. My mom is getting a personal trainer for Puerto Rico and I can use them at the YW too. I'm very excited. I now have a short term goal of 114 in 8 weeks, and then 107 by July 4th. I'm so excited and happy to have newfound motivation. I guess the realization that my body disatisfaction was keeping me from having a loving intimate relationship with someone was what I needed to get my ass in gear. I really hope Thomas tells me he loves me by the time I come back from Puerto Rico, that would be great motivation to get thin so I can start having sex again, I miss it.